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How are you, Pa?
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Originally uploaded by: flowercats
I’m sorry that I cannot visit you this year but I know you’re just around looking after me and you’d understand. I will meet you there, I don’t know when but I’m just here, praying. I love you.
I remembered the first year back after he died, I’d usually go outside to find where my thoughts would take me. I remember pain. I remember things I want to forget. I went home that time just to meet him again but I didn’t make it. I didn’t tell him how much I love him. I guess it was too early for him to leave. I remember I cried a lot. I mourned. I can see it again and again. I am there again. I am the son standing infront of him, crying, my heart was pounding. I feel that I can not even speak. I silently pray when my mind returns to the time. I decided that life is too short that we must really make the most of it.
Every Anniversaries at the end of October, we would visit him earlier in the morning at his “home” as I watch the people of another world. I see peace in there. I see the place as the Kingdom of God surrounded with green trees and a hymn I could hear from the breeze in the air. The pattern is eerie but a lot more peaceful. We bring candles, flowers and his picture frame. I would still talk to him, “How are you, Pa”? I could feel he was on my back, whispering to me like “I’m alright, I’m just here watching you”. The whole family gathered around, standing there watching his tomb, praying and leaning against each other. Then we leave.
The next day, the 1st of November, it’s the All Soul’s Day. We would then come back with a much needed things. Food. Drinks. Flowers. And a lot more candles. We usually go earlier to beat the rush and crowds in case we won’t find the nearest place to buy our food. When the dusk comes, the cemetery is such a colorful place. Looks very bright. I feel and thinks that the soul are celebrating too. I jump above the tomb. I just sit, knees drawn up to my chest, watching the candles to drip and the smokes that fly above the air. My soul try to become one with the scene, to envelop the entire celebration. And so I sit, with thoughts thinking of nothing but just watching too many people passing by.
I smiled. I know that my dad is not with us anymore but we always feel him inside our hearts. Then I grab my Mother and gave her a hug. There’s no crying, she smiled back. Life is good.
Les Feuilles Mortes (Autumn Leaves)
by: Laura Fygi
Hi K
I was sent here by the good ole queer chef charles,
i share your feelings re. ur Pa, mine died in 1989 and is buried in Baguio. I am so lucky to have him as a Father and I celebrate the moments I had with him.
May he rest in peace. vicky from down under.
My prayers are with your dad.
A nice and touching post in his memory…
They say that the most painful part of our lives is when our parents have gone away… they are the ones who comfort and caress us when we’re still an infant progressing through adolescence. They love us as much as we love them. When they have left this world for another, their memories and teachings will remain in our hearts. I pray for everyone that they will be safe, and be blessed with God’s love. Always take care…
I’m back to the blogosphere after a month of excruciating leave… at last, I have a free time.
Ahh, sad. I’m lucky to still have my dad, although we don’t get along well. But anyway, you still have precious memories to treasure.
Touching blog entry.
By the way, Chas pimped me here.
what a touching blog entry. How I wished I can experience the same thing with my father but he is long dead to me anyways.
hi k, that was really touching.
Hi K, I was teary-eyed reading this very beautiful post. I was contemplating the same thoughts. My father just died last February. *sigh*
You are right, loved ones who left us aren’t really gone for they live in our hearts. And that’s what matters most now.
I always get them confused and have to check my Suor Germania, I think the 1rst is All Saints and the 2nd is All Souls or in Italian “I Morti!”
I’m just waiting for my granny to “go”… *evil grin* Bad me, I know.. can’t help it, that old lady is Mother of All evil creatures. *shudders*
hi k. that brought tears to my eyes. sorry, haven’t been able to keep up with the reading of your entries. have been busy with finding new job and recently…surgery. i’ll tell you about it later. right now using my pda. not convenient with typing.
keep on blogging.
Here’s a virtual hug to you dear K! medyo naiiyak ako dahil halos sabay namatay yung aking mga lolas last year.Ang huling salita binitiwan ng isa sa aking paboritong lola noong akoy bakasyon riyan 2001 , Ingat anak,sa aking palagay heto na huling pagkikita natin, Tama nga sya, ni hindi ako nakauwi last year dahil sa mga bata maliliit pa.Naramdaman ko sya kagabi alam mo!mahirap ipaliwanag pero andoon pa rin sila parang nagmamanman.
hi knoiz,
this post of yours brought tears to my eyes. malayo din ako sa pamilya ko and i can’t imagine how it would be to me if something happen. the thought alone already breaks my heart. my heartfelt sympathy, di ko alam…
Family. Great post K!
BTW, I’m back, kind of. It’s been two months since I’ve been in Taiwan and I am adjusting well.
Thanks Guys for the wonderful thoughts and for sharing the “lights” with prayers.
Vicky - thank you for coming over from Charles. I’m glad you can relate to the story.
Duke- salamat, it’s the reason why I don’t dress up in Lan Kwai for it will only spoil the meaning of “solemnity”.
JV - how touching. And you know what my father and I had a lot in common? Music. He taught me that music makes us want to embrace life, like Jazz music, it’s the truest form to emphathize human emotion — all of these restore our spirit and make our life sing! Asus.
Shari - thanks for the “pimping”. I guess you have your own reasons for anything about your dad, I truly understand.
Charles - can I spank you? Why would you say that?
Meeya - here’s some tissue, it will help dry our eyes. Sorry if it made you sad.
Joy - I’m sorry to hear that, my prayers to your father as well.
David - good point, I myself get confused at times but I actually see the similarities of both - the solemnity is instituted to honour all the saints, known and unknown and that’s the 1st of Nov. All soul’s day on the other hand is also celebrated usually the second of November, that we sometimes called the “day of the deads”.
Asha - bad! bad! bad!
Ear - How are you? I hope everything’s alright despite your condition. Just keep your fingers crossed and always hope for the best. How can I cheer you up?
Cheh - PANIS! nahawa ka na din. I don’t know, I dropped my swearing so sinasabi ko na lang “panis”, kung baga maraming gamit yan lalo na kapag inis ka? Ok ka na ba? I’m sorry about the loss of your Lola. You know that time, I was really hoping to “see” my father, di sya nag paramdam pero nag paparamdam sya sa puso namin, he was as if telling us to be strong and I felt more closer with my family.
Ate Beng - Salamat po, nagkataon lang na 31 oct ang Anniversary kaya medyo na-carried away din ako. It’s been 6 years na.
Welcome back, Range. How’s everything back in Taiwan?
Hey K
Everything is dandy. It’s hard work. It’s Friday, about half an hour before we leave for home. Taiwan is something else. People ask me how long will I stay. I say I wonder if I will ever leave.
Asia is so different. It’s like every day is an adventure, every week something weird or crazy happens. It makes you feel alive. Even with the scooter accidents, and getting stared at, I don’t really mind.
Everything is cheap here, they are supposed to be even cheaper in Thailand. Right now, we are getting a desktop computer tonight. I will probably have a terabyte of storage on it. We will be getting reimbursed for some hospital bills because of the accidents we had last week. Other than that, we have a dinner planned on Sunday with some friends.
Life is simpler. No credit, no ways to create debt, no real bills except the rent, which is pretty small. In the beginning we were planning on staying for a few years, no less than 3. But as time moved on, we got used to the idea of staying away. And we have decided to stay here for the foreseeable future. We might not stay at our school, but we will stay in Taiwan.
We visited Taipei and really liked it a lot. More on that on my blog! In fact, this comment went on so long, that I will use it in a post!
Cheers!
It looks like you’re settling in Asia - travel around the neighbouring places, Thailand, Malaysia, Hong Kong, Philippines, Singapore or Vietnam?
Hope one day we’ll meet up.