Don’t answer the phone

Originally uploaded by: mrhayata

“Heh lo’ …” as I speak in a very exagerrated English tone.

You know, I keep getting a weird random call from an auto tele-marketing between 10am and 5pm continually every single day. This kind of call is simply so annoying. I have no idea where it come from since it’s always in Chinese, I can’t understand the fook at all.

“Wei, wei, wei”.

It becomes a personal wake-up call. You know when you can’t understand much of the language it would sound like a shotgun firing at you with an empty bullet. How am I getting these? How am I suppose to get rid of these? Can I report this? Can somebody out there help? Please tell me what I can do? It’s like they’re the invisible fookers who still want Sidney Prescott dead in her 4th sequel screaming “Answer The Door, Leave The House, Answer The Phone”. Go ahead make your own script.

A day off is the most precious time away from your desk. I will always turn my caller display on even if I feel like shutting it off. While other people who are fooking ignorant about privacy will keep dialing your number. My home is like an extension, when despite the fact that you want to feel unattached with work, writing my blog entry, they still bugs you off the hole. I know, I know, blogging is my hobby while another call comes asking me to find a stupid scissor. Isn’t that just a hell of plain stupidity?

Anyways, if the caller shows “unknown”, I suppose that’s my Boss. I would let it ring in nostalgia for a series of two and let the voice messages handles the call. I’ve made a personal voice message once when after the beep I’d say “Hello, Hello, Hello, are you there … *pause* who’s this?” Some callers would thought I was literally talking to them. I used to play my Pinoy Big Brother ring tone “Pinoy Ako… ipakita sa mundo…” few times dancing along with the tune as I play it aloud for everyone to hear until the caller has already gave up, that’s when I’d stop dancing.

And what if your caller is your friend? Or your brother? I would answer it by sounding as if a modem spy machine like a sleepy ass person. I’m a little asshole sometimes, well I do that to make people think that every once in a while, we put humor to ourselves. Eventually he’d ask, “Where are you”? It’s late in the afternoon and you’re still in bed”? Bro, I need some privacy and I don’t want you to keep asking me eat lunch at Yoshinoya almost three fooking times a week. Ka-BLAG! You see even brothers can be such a sucker too.

Last week, someone called again, and this time it’s from the bank. And he said, “Hello, this is Mr Wong, I called because you haven’t paid your bills”. He want my money and wanted me to pay the card right away. “But…the due will be in few more days.. are you threatening me?” So once again, I told him, “Please dial the right number”.

A mobile phones are a useful and pleasurable tool for living. Hong Kong has the most worst user of mobile phones. While there are people who made enough money, they upgrade their phones every two to three months (pssttt, that’s not me). Some parents of these kids around here, age 13 and above are just as crazy about mobiles as them. Mobiles phones can be hanging in your neck showing off those chic little covers depending on what kind of brand your phones (then if it’s an old model, I won’t be hanging them with pride), or the Hello Kitty chain or that Gucci’s red and green stripes chain as it flips off their face talking so loud in a conversation saying “chizeen!” (crazy!) every end of a sentence. Or a silicon cover to avoid scratching those treasured LCD screens. It’s like your own baby, the way we treat our Tamagotchi a few many years ago. How about your iPod? What kind of iPod are you? In green, in blue, in white? There are ridiculous number of iPod customers who really show them off a lot.

Hong Kong mobile phone ownership is the highest in Asia, most of them owned the latest model. It’s a very open market, it’s often seen as a testing ground for new technology. Some people uses different handsets for different occasions. Sick people, I guess. No, acting like rich people. And when they go to parties, they tend to use a more stylish, trendy phones and when they go to work or school, they use a more conservative-looking phones. All these may sound so true, infact the objects of everyone’s affection around here are mobile phones.

Meanwhile, a text messages arrived from my sister and it says, “TXT BK ASAP, TCKETS 4 BKOL R CNFRMD OR KOL BK 2 TOK TXT MSG CST ME 10X. UBOS N LOAD KO SAYO SHET”. Say what? All in CAPS. I deliberately reply to it with guts to see how fast I can press the keys in nanoseconds. I don’t understand why I’ve always ended up pressing SEND button without even finishing the word I’d literally want to say. That’s already $2.

Ahhh, I probably need to buy a phone card to stop replying this damn text messages. But using phonecards are just annoying. First you scratch the code number, dial #1 English, #2 Tagalog, #3 Indonesia, #4 Chinese. I usually press #1 to easily go on with the next instructions. While Tagalog instructions are just too complicated for me to follow (the tagalog has very strong, funny accent) then again I still choose #2 and press #0 to reach the operator just to make fun with the Filipino operator and act like a fool.

“Operator: Hello? Yes, sir, having trouble calling the number? Well it is quite simple, just enter the country code, area code and enter the telephone number you… Sir? SIR? *click*”

Another annoying message you hear when using a phone card is that, a voice reminder would warn you off saying “you only have 1 minute left on this call, please recharge your card..”. and before I can hear that “beep” sound to final, I usually inform the person in the other line to shut up and say goodbye as I hang up then say “FOOK, that was only 20mins”.

As far as we know, and for those of you who don’t, there are certain risks involves in using our mobile phones. Technology nowadays are so into everything. It makes us feel to want more, to see more, to buy more what’s in there to offer. It can be a dangerous tool as there are people who uses camera in a changing room and before you know it, it is passed on via the multimedia or bluetooth. A friend of mine who likes to pretend he was dialing someone in our locker and dares the devil out of him to take videos of Chinese skinny asses and send them to her girlfriends. I’m now aware that he might have taken a video of my tiny ass too - but at least he should have told me so I can wiggle or pee on his mobile in macro shot.

What I’m saying is, the world of mobile phone is not safe anymore. There are nuts out there who can take your private life away. I’ve read a lot of information about SMS, MMS text messaging here and unlike in the Philippines, the mobile is also being used as a political and social tool. Sometimes it’s not fun at all.

Damn, can somebody send me a copy of “You’re Beautiful” ring tone please? Reminds me, I need to pay my phone bills too.

And if we go back to Sidney Prescott, can we make our own script on how to answer phone calls?

Phone Sex (That’s What’s Up)
by: Avant

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